Make your own free website on

From 7/7/98:

Conan: After years of subpoenas and testimony, Kenneth Starr finally releases his report to Congress. His conclusion? Clinton gots ta have da booty.

Andy: Hypochondriacs the world over will stop believing that they're sick all the time, when they all die of disease.

Conan: A new improved shower massager from Waterpik is taken off the market after one unit in Michigan is caught trying to "slip it in".

Andy: Researchers prove that life does in fact imitate art. Unfortunately, the art it imitates is the movie Tango & Cash.

Conan: Authorities discover a fool proof means of identifying the clinically insane: tracking order forms for the new George and Barbara Bush sex video.

Andy: The old adage that "guns don't kill people, people kill people" is forever deemed invalid when a woman gives birth to a gun and it grows up and stabs her.

Conan: Leonardo Dicaprio will once again have to face rumors that he's gay when he stars in the movie: "My name is Leonardo Dicaprio and I am gay".

Andy: The Catholic church will decide that it needs a leader one step above the Pope. His title will be Captain Popetastic.

Conan: Rock music will all be done by computers, and as a result, computers will get a lot more oral sex.

Andy: Incredibly, a priest, a rabbi, and a buddist monk will find actually themselves on a crashing plane that has only one parachute. Ironically, that parachute will have been packed by a polish guy and will contain only camping equipment.

Conan: Microsoft will go out of business and Bill Gates will be bankrupt after the disastrous release of their latest product Windows Kevin Costner.

OFFICIAL NBC DISCLAIMER: "Late Night" and "NBC" are registered trademarks of the National Broadcasting Company, Inc., and the photographs and other materials included on this website are protected by copyright and are the property of NBC, and are used with the permission of NBC.